Madeline

I was raised in an interfaith home, my mom is Jewish and my dad is Catholic.  My parents agreed when they got married that they would teach their children about God but never give them any formal religious schooling.  As a kid, I always wanted to be involved in Judaism and was really frustrated that my parents didn't let me go to Hebrew school or have a bat mitzvah.

My grandfather was a ba'al teshuva.  When he passed away, I was about 12.   We attended his funeral, which was a religious experience.  I found myself wanting to get spiritually involved.  This sparked me to start advocating for myself to learn more about Judaism.

I joined a synagogue youth group, and when I was deciding on a college, I wanted to be in a place with a lot of Jewish students and Jewish community.  So I picked Arizona State University.  Almost every semester I did some kind of Jewish learning program, through Hillel, Chabad, OLAMI, always gaining knowledge.

Then I did "Semester at Sea", living on a cruise ship and taking courses, and COVID hit.  We were stranded for quite a while without a port.  So I started reading some books I took with me from home.  I picked up a book that what written by a Jewish man which attempted to disprove belief in an all-knowing, all-powerful God, from a logical perspective.

So here I was, stranded in the ocean, and suddenly I felt like I couldn't logically believe in God.  This was very disturbing to me.  My parents always taught me that God is real, and "if you have a problem, pray to God", and all of a sudden I felt that belief was being tested.  At the same time that I felt that my belief was childish and illogical, I also felt lonely.

So I decided to embark on a journey to get answers to the hard questions, like how God allowed the Holocaust to happen, how there could be suffering.  I learned with the OLAMI rabbis and rebbetzens on campus until I got the answers I sought and felt I should commit myself to Torah.

Then, I found out that book which set me on this quest was given as a gift to my mother at my grandfather's funeral.  So this object connected to the funeral where I was really feeling spiritual, that awful book, spurred me to serious Jewish growth.

Rabbi Weiss of OLAMI Arizona told me about the program in my senior year.  I was too busy at the time.  But after graduation I took a job in a law firm where I was scanning documents for 7 hours a day and was allowed to listen to podcasts.  So it was the perfect opportunity to start TPF.

You did so much Jewish learning before you got involved with TPF.  What

When you do a course like Chabad's Sinai Scholars, or OLAMI's Modern Matters, you don't have a choice about the topic studied.  So yes, I did a lot of learning, but there were a lot of gaps in my knowledge and questions I had that weren't addressed.

Also, there were certain mitzvos I was interested in keeping but I had no idea how to go about it.  With TPF I could listen to a podcast on that specific mitzvah and get guidance.

So, it was extremely helpful in fostering my growth.  It took me from just THINKING about Torah to putting it into action.

Also, there are certain things you don't feel comfortable talking about in a group session, but when it's one-on-one, you can open up.  Like, I'm not going to speak up in a group class about eating kosher and say, "I'm scared to start keeping kosher because I'm worried what my friends will think about me."  Between me and my mentor, we can discuss these things.  She could reassure me and help me understand what is holding me back.

Through The Podcast Fellowship she could suggest what I should listen to next based on the fears and insecurities I would bring up in our one-on-one discussions, so for me it was a very powerful learning tool.

I listen to Rabbi Akiva Tatz the most, although he packs so much into his lectures, I don't always have the mind for it.  Also Jackie Engel Glaser.  I also really like Rabbi Kelemen's videos about proof of God and proof of the Torah.

I'm at the point where I know I want to do everything, I just haven't taken on everything YET.  I want to take it slowly.  My Podcast Fellowship mentor, Risa Brumer, has been very helpful helping me navigate this.

I'm starting law school in 3 weeks at Arizona State.  I don't know which area of law to focus on yet, but I really want to be a mother and be able to be present for my children, so whatever it area of law is, it has to allow for that.